Parents do not need to be authoritarian to have authority. There is no reason to wield an iron fist and an iron rod. The keys are consistency and respect.
Although parents can gain some respect from their children by being consistent, having a respectful relationship with your child is essential to parenting success. Respect is earned by being respectful, leading by example and simple communication. If asking your child's opinion is a rhetorical question, you have no respect for your child's identity.
Children who have earned the respect of their parents cherish that fulfilling accomplishment and will continue to exhibit behavior to foster that respect. By being consistent with the authority you exercise, you will reap the benefits of your child's respect. Rules should be finite, have specific penalties for infraction and be applied with equality.
When parents use their authority to prohibit behavior without a stated reason, they become the authoritarian. "Because I said so" is not a valid reason for a rule, but is an almost assured instigator of rebellion.
Ensuring safety, emotional well-being and health are valid reasons for the exercise of authority. Saving your child the consequences of actions and mistakes is not a reasonable exercise of authority. It is from our mistakes that we learn. Children need to make some mistakes on their own in order to respect the responsibility of authority.
You do not have to rule with an iron fist to maintain parental authority. You must assert your authority to have it respected and eventually appreciated.
Ann Marie Dwyer is an internationally-published, award-winning citizen journalist with bylines on Helium, One World Net, Yahoo! News, Associated Content and Global Exchange. Her articles appear in corporate newsletters, archive history web sites and in news print.
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