No Disrespect from Children

Did you raise a smart aleck? It is not necessarily a bad thing. When your child is not just sarcastic, but disrespectful, there is a problem.

Children talk back to adults, especially parents, disrespectfully when they feel authority is unjust, unreasonable or unfeeling. This ten step strategy for dealing with children's disrespectful back talk works like a charm.

1. Respect.

~Earn it, and then demand it from your children once you have it. Respect their right to an opinion by listening to what they have to say. Make it obvious that the reciprocal is expected.

2. Educate.

~Let your children know that there is a respectful way to voice opinion and dissent. Show them how to employ it by example. Rather than saying, "Your suggestion is stupid," try saying, "I think we need to reassess what you suggested because some of the foundation information is incorrect."

3. Enlighten.

~Show them how they react to being disrespectfully spoken to by speaking in like fashion. Show them how negativity cannot bring about a positive result. A video of their negative reaction is a better tool than parental acting skills, and far more persuasive

4. Discover.

~The source from which their disrespect springs. Is it an outside influence or you? Disrespect is most often a reaction to another's action, and negativity is contagious. Be objective in your own self-reflection because you may not see how your actions could cause disrespect. Repeat what you have said before a mirror for a good idea of how it sounded to them.

5. Restrict.

~Access to others who are disrespectful is counterproductive to having respectful children. Restrict that access. Negativity is contagious. Children and adults who are disrespectful to everyone as a reaction to being hurt by one person are not respectful influences on your children.

6. Question.

~Why has your child chosen that manner to speak to you? You have already self-reflected and looked at other sources. Go to the horse's mouth. Ask you child, point blank.

7. Listen.

~Your child will answer this question. Listen very carefully. Maintain eye contact. Sit in a receptive posture. Actively listen. Respond appropriately to what is said. Before you defend your position, be sure it is defensible.

8. Reverse.

~What will it take for your child to be more respectful? Ask your child. By respecting the fact that your child feels slighted, you show your willingness to help rectify the situation.

9. Help.

~Take your child's suggestions and incorporate them into your parenting style. This is the ultimate act of mutual respect. Provided your child provides a viable reason for being disrespectful, you can implement tactics like waiting two minutes before you respond to give him a chance to amend what he has said or making appointments to talk about matters once tempers have cooled.

10. Enjoy.

~Your respectful children will bring you joy. You have cultivated a mature and respectful relationship with your children. Most importantly, you have taught them how to build respectful relationships with others.

Caution: If you have not taken steps 1-3, you will definitely have to take 4-10. The first three tips will help you never have to determine a punishment for disrespectful children. They will not talk back to you or any other authority figure disrespectfully.

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