We know the body is weak. What do you do when the mind joins it?
Somewhere in the Middle
Metastatic cancer added to massive amounts of narcotics produces bizarre brain patterns. With cancer having breached the spine, entering the spinal fluid, some cells have traveled to the brain. There, they interrupt normal brain function.
Memories are mistaken for current events. Dreams find their way into conscious conversations. Current events mimic dreams. Then, there are the moments which are scary.
Talking during sleep is common on narcotics, especially the powerful cancer treatment pain relievers. They are not your mother's aspirin, after all.
When the sleepy conversation is between Russell and his parents, both of whom succumbed to cancer years ago, I have to wonder how close to the light he is treading.
What you heard was not what I said.
To quote Russell: Did you walk to work or bring your lunch?
If you ask a question and the answer is not only off topic but unintelligible, you have to wonder, "What is the difference between a bat?" (George Carlin)
While this was the exception two weeks ago, today, it is the rule. Simple conversations are becoming increasingly difficult.
This is the condition which follows (but not replaces) the memory loss. Overall, it is far more difficult to overcome. Memory loss is solved by repeating the conversation. The confusion is not so easily to explain sufficiently for anyone to understand.
Who are you?
As children, calling someone by the wrong name was cause for giggles and name calling. Calling a spouse by the wrong name can be hazardous to your health. When your spouse has to call more than three names to remember yours, "disheartening" is a lackluster description of the feeling.
Even the healthiest person can confuse children's names (especially when you have as many as we do). Calling girls by boys' names (and vice versa) is a far cry from the first scenario.
Remember what matters.
Love is what matters. Cancer cannot erode your love for your spouse. It allows you to forgive misspoken words, emotional outbursts and deafening silence.
Stay strong,
Ann Marie
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