Little pictures have big ears. -Archie Bunker

Children: small human beings who delight and confound simultaneously.

Traveling the path of cancer treatment with children is strange and enlightening. There are pitfalls which (when you cannot avoid them altogether) you need to remedy quickly.

Unexpected Behavior

Depending on the age of your children, this includes everything from crying at the idea of a class assignment to refusing to participate in beloved activities. Identify the behavior tentatively. Do not assume the behavior is necessarily attached to the illness, but never assume it is not.

Doctor visits/Hospital stays

Children can easily deduct going to the doctor or hospital means Daddy is not going to be at home to do all the things he does with them. Be certain to reinforce the doctor and hospital are both to make Daddy feel better, so he can come home and spend time with them.

Let the doctor and the home health professionals talk to your children about how they are making Daddy feel better.

Medicinal Side Effects

When you get out the spoon and the cough medicine, expect a different type of lemon-sucking face. Daddy's medicine makes him sicker than your child perceives he is. Cancer is not easy to see, like a scraped knee. How the medicine works is a complete mystery, unlike a cast on a broken arm. It is not unusual for children to want to forgo their own medicines when they see a parent seem sicker after cancer medicines, especially chemotherapy/nausea & radiation/hair and weight loss.

Explain medicine like food in the stomach. Children understand food in the belly early. The medicine goes in and makes the "hungry" go out of the cancer.

Loss of Interaction

Daddy does not feel well enough to be out in the yard throwing the tug-o-war ropes for the dogs or sit and magna-doodle with them. Some days, Daddy cannot even endure the 300th airing of the Disney movie du jour. Be sure to arrange one-on-one time with each child. Do not point out this is replacing "Daddy time".

Questioning Faith

Perhaps one of the hardest struggles is answering the question, "Why is God doing this to Daddy?" Use your faith to answer honestly. God is not "doing this to Daddy". God is bringing Daddy to Heaven, so He can spend time with him. Tailor your response to your child's level of understanding.

Consider having your pastor talk to the child about this as well.

Money Concerns

Financial concerns are often attached to cancer treatment. This is one of the issues you can avoid. Choose to have these discussions while children are at school, out of the house or asleep and definitely out of earshot. This should apply to all families, even those not dealing with a catastropic illness.

You are absolutely not alone.

Do not for one second believe you have to shoulder all of the burden of coping with your child's issues with this disease. The more people you have helping you reinforces the extended family support your child needs right now.

Talk to teachers and guidance counselors. Talk to babysitters and day/after care centers. Talk to church family, especially Sunday school teachers and the pastor. Talk to neighbors. Talk to your child's friends' parents.

They should expect behavior changes. Be certain they know how YOU want them to deal with outbursts. When the time comes for one-on-one time, allow some of these responsible adults to take you child for special time.

Talk to the other parents in your cancer support group. They can help you identify other issues they may have had and how they dealt with them. Allowing children from the group to play or study together gives them the opportunity to talk about how they feel without feeling like they have to explain it to an adult. This peer counseling is healthy and important.

Chin up,
Ann Marie

Picture: Veronica on Russell's shoulders touching the ceiling after attaching Christmas decorations to the vaulted ceiling beam.

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