While the cat's away...

...the mice scurry to prepare for the winter of despair.

And scurry I did:

• Chores left undone beget sparkling surfaces.
• Allergens became an indoor endangered species.
• The bedroom was transformed into single space living quarters.
• Memorabilia of a fonder time was posted at every corner.
• Family portraits (my anniversary present) arrived and were proudly displayed.
• Thank you notes purchased.
• Funeral arrangements explored.
• The telephone battery was worn dead each day. (Many thanks to all of those who listened, advised, prayed, cried, made me laugh and had the courage to change the subject.)
• A million tears fell.
• Emotions ran high.

I knew I needed to run the full gamut of emotions before Russell got home...then, I would have to be the strong one for everyone. Why? My role was going to change.

I would no longer be allowed to show my dread. You see, it is not fear. Those close to me know I have absolutely no fear, truly: NONE. I am so confident, at 20 I was declared DNR. (I inserted that link for a reason.)

I had to execute an intricate strategy to ensure the least amount of disruption for my family. For instance:

• Plan how to explain to my pregnant daughter our first grandchild may not be born with a grandfather.
• Plan how to encapsulate the epic battle with the South Carolina Department of Education (We will blog that later.) so as to prevent its intrusion into his more delicate times.
• Plan how to procure another profession of faith. I could not bear thinking my husband would not enter the Kingdom of God.
• Prepare all of the therapists and the school of the scheduling disaster area which was well on its way to becoming routine.
• Comfort some of our care givers who would be party to Russell's illness.
• Mentally prepare for the conversation of final wishes and wills.

How did I pull this off? I am not a miracle worker, but I have friends and family who are. I talked to those who are my dearest friends. I cried on the telephone with my mother and sisters. I prayed with everyone who would pray with me. I spoke to the pastors. I emailed my globe-spanning prayer chain. And I played a lot of video games.

Next time we will talk about the value of distractions...for everyone.

Ann Marie

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