After years of enjoying pre-dawn coffee and conversation, it was difficult, at first, to adjust to Russell's absence at our sunrise bliss.
Hospice begins.
Although I am certain the full impact of being on hospice care eludes Russell, I see the positive impact on him already.
She is coming when?!?
Since we now have a constant parade of professionals and friends streaming through our front door, Russell has not been allowed to sleep throughout the day, as had become the required norm during chemotherapy. This, and a doubling of narcotic pain medication, has produced sleep at the appointed hour, even when the appropriate amount was unattainable.
Morning Meetings
When Veronica comes in to kiss her father "Good Morning" at 0545, more than half the time, Russell is awake to receive his morning love and deliver the appropriate "pretty" compliment to her before she goes to school.
Nicholas has discovered which of my pillows upon which to lay his head without disturbing Russell's precarious, pain-relieving position. He watches the morning news with Daddy.
Stabilizing the time he spends with the children has been be healing for them all.
It's my turn.
After the children are safely tucked on the bus, I enjoy a cup of coffee over morning meds (a meal on their own) for both of us. Even though he does not have the lust for our common beverage which birthed our dating practice of relaxing together, he can again speak with me of the day's itinerary, morning news and some interesting tidbits left over from drug-induced dreams.
Even if the line blurs routinely between reality and dreams during our morning conversations, the lucid portions are reminiscent of a time, not so long ago, when juggling 22 family crises, pets, household, business, charity and community was typical fare for sunrise coffee.
Postponed
On the days when our sunrise meeting is postponed until closer to lunchtime, we maintain our routine of talking everyday. More often, I have the same conversation with him later in the day when I report progress, as he has forgotten the original conversation.
Either way, my sunrise is back. The final flushing of the chemo from his system has significantly improved the quality of time we spend together, which is far more important than the length.
A brighter day awaits!
Ann Marie
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